1 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,480 LOUD SCREAM 2 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,799 - - "This week, the contestants have to prove why 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,520 "they should become Lord Sugar's business partner." 4 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,879 Her eyes are terrifying. 5 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,159 She scared the shit out of me this morning, 6 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,799 but she's completely fixed my neck. 7 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:29,039 It was the perfect opportunity to correct your C7 nerve compression. 8 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,439 I thought you were going to kill me. 9 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,160 I'd never kill you, Sue. 10 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,199 Aw. 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,799 You should have told me you were coming round 12 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,999 because I'd have got some food in. 13 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,959 We just wanted to say hi, 14 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:47,079 and see how things were going with Linda. 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,520 And also... 16 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,279 ...it's kind of a big day. 17 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,239 - Renee is... - I'm being awarded my brown belt in BJJ! 18 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,280 Congratulations, Renee! 19 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,439 It's a really big deal. 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,999 It means I can start coaching students. 21 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,840 And, you know, Chris even said that I can instruct without him there. 22 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,800 A-Are you still training with Chris? 23 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,999 I can't stop him teaching in the gym. 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,319 - What am I meant to do? - Change instructors? 25 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,399 Wow. That's pretty controlling. 26 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,439 In case you're lost, Linda, Chris is the instructor Renee 27 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,160 was having an affair with. 28 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,479 Oh, dear, poor Michael. 29 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,839 How humiliating. 30 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:32,959 I-I-I'm fine. 31 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,159 Where is Chris now? 32 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,279 I don't know. He's probably with his family. 33 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,119 With his mother and father? 34 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,239 No. With his wife and kids. 35 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,999 Was it just a fling for Chris? 36 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,399 A bit of how's your father, a knee trembler, a bit on the side... 37 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,679 J-J-Just shut up, Linda. We've dealt with all of this. 38 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,759 My family are coming to see me get awarded my new belt 39 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,439 and we're all going to go for dinner afterwards. 40 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,839 Can you come, too? 41 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,360 I can't today, sorry. 42 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,839 Why, Sue? 43 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,839 Because we're busy. 44 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,399 What are we doing today, Sue? We don't do anything. 45 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,159 Tomorrow, nothing. 46 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,119 Thursday, nothing. 47 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,679 Friday, nothing. 48 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,519 We're definitely doing something. 49 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,879 Don't worry. It's fine. 50 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:22,039 I just wanted the whole family there because it's taken me 51 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,920 three years to achieve this. 52 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,719 Perhaps a joke would lighten the mood. A rabbi, a Boy Scout 53 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,599 and a showgirl are on a crashing plane... 54 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,759 Do you know what? W-We should actually be going. 55 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,439 I've got a client at nine. 56 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,039 Good to see you again, Sue. 57 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,559 Likewise. 58 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,319 I know you don't really like Renee, but pretending you're busy... 59 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,639 I'm not pretending. 60 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,879 Oh, come on. Busy doing what? 61 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,239 You don't even have a job. You've NEVER had a job! 62 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,159 My job was raising you 63 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,679 and caring for your father. 64 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,039 Renee's whole family is going to be there. 65 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,559 I just wanted you there, too. 66 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,079 Because a brown belt represents dedication, 67 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,320 mastery of technique and true leadership. 68 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:20,039 - Because a brown belt represents... - Dedication. - ...dedication... 69 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:24,159 ...mastery... of technique and true leadership. 70 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,200 Yeah? 71 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,920 Fancy thinking I don't do anything! 72 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,639 What are we doing now, Sue? 73 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,680 Don't know. Might buy some sausages. 74 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,079 All because I never had a job. 75 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:48,439 My family was my job and I did it very well, thank you very much! 76 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,959 I'm not useless! 77 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,959 Hey, Eileen, are you OK? 78 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,199 Tom's got food poisoning. 79 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,359 He ate a bag of rancid potpourri, 80 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,439 stupid berk. Thought they were vegetable crisps. 81 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,919 - Oh, is he OK? - Yeah, 82 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,519 he's just thick as shit. He was supposed to work today 83 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,599 so I could go to my Aunt Shelley's birthday party. 84 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,479 - Your aunt? - Yeah. She's 108. 85 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,879 I'm cancelling this taxi. 86 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,839 She'll be so disappointed. 87 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,039 I'm sorry. 88 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,920 I wish there was something I could do. 89 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,679 Well, actually, maybe I COULD help. 90 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,039 LAUGHS 91 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,439 I mean, um, you're injured, Sue. 92 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,279 It's a charity shop, not the World Cup. 93 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,119 Have you ever worked in a shop? 94 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,440 Well, I've seen you do it 1,000 times. 95 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,439 Tom can do it, and you just said he's as thick as shit. 96 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,399 And I've got Linda. 97 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,839 Yes. 98 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,159 Sue, it will be like the shop challenge on The Apprentice. 99 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,679 I can do this. 100 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,999 And if it works out, then I can come and help you in the shop. 101 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,919 The lock can be a bit dicky. 102 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,999 Oh, and there's a shelves delivery at midday. 103 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,839 All you've got to do is be in the shop, really. 104 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,559 OK. 105 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,039 You're not going in one of those driverless things are you? 106 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,039 Course not. They're deathtraps. 107 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,080 HORN TOOTS BRAKES SQUEAL 108 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,920 - All right, Eileen? - Yeah! 109 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,639 Hi, Sue! 110 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:20,119 Hi, Brian! I didn't know you were still a... 111 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,639 I mean, I thought you'd retired. 112 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,079 - Retire? No, not me. - Oh, good for you. 113 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,439 Bloody good show, I say. 114 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,479 Eileen, for God's sake, wear your seat belt. 115 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,439 Relax. Brian's been driving me 116 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,479 around in this shit heap for nearly 40 years. 117 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,519 And I've only been sober for the last five. 118 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,359 EILEEN LAUGHS See you, love. 119 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,640 CREAKING 120 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:54,319 Linda, I haven't had a job since before Michael was born. 121 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,319 Do you think that'll be a problem? 122 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,079 Yes. 123 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,400 Great. 124 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,440 FALTERING GUITAR RIFF 125 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,680 RIFF STARTS AGAIN 126 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,400 DOOR OPENS Hi. 127 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,879 Are you angry? 128 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,800 No. No, I'm not angry. 129 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,999 Why can't you train with another instructor? 130 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,199 Professor. Because Chris is brilliant. 131 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,799 He came third in the Wessex Open. 132 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,239 What, is that a big competition? 133 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,680 It's the Wimbledon of BJJ. 134 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:50,639 I know you've got a lot of trust issues, but so do I. 135 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,799 If anything, you pushed me into cheating 136 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,399 by spending so much time away. 137 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,079 I was with my mum because my dad just died! 138 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,719 We can spend all day trying to figure out who did what. 139 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,239 - You had an affair. - And I ended it. 140 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,440 Because I love you. 141 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,839 If anything, my affair was the best thing I ever did for us. 142 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,399 Oh, t... 143 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,679 T-Take that down. 144 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,719 I'm a personal trainer, OK? 145 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,159 BJJ is where I meet my PT clients. 146 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,639 More people come to class, more clients for me. 147 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,839 Chris is actually a really sweet guy. 148 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,199 A really sweet guy? After you two... 149 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,519 PLAYING STOPS 150 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,360 PLAYING CONTINUES 151 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,000 PHONE CLICKS 152 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,880 MOBILE ALERT 153 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,520 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 154 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,160 That's really vulgar. 155 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,039 Still coming to my presentation? 156 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,799 I-I don't know. 157 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,360 I'm just really busy today. 158 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:03,159 - There's nothing to be scared of. - I'm not scared of that knobhead! 159 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,920 Please don't tell him I said that. 160 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,079 Shit, you're going to tell him I said that. 161 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,759 D-Do you know what? I don't care if you tell him. 162 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,519 Please don't tell him. 163 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,800 I've got to go. 164 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,360 I really want you there. 165 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,280 PLAYING STOPS 166 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,479 Can I try the Gibson? 167 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,559 Oh, what? 168 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,959 The vintage Gibson Super 400? 169 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,199 Do you have £13,000? 170 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,680 SCOFFS - No. - Then, no. 171 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,679 - - Loser. - Dickhead! 172 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,680 DISCORDANT STRUMMING 173 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,999 This job is a piece of piss. 174 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,559 I don't know why Eileen was acting like it was some big deal. 175 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,279 There are many, many copies of this man's books. 176 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,439 And technically he's a giant. 177 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,279 Help me with this, will you? We're clearing out the loft. 178 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:10,479 Madelaine's pregnant! We're going to be grandparents, again, 179 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,959 so you know what that means. 180 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,279 It means that, when Madelaine was ovulating, 181 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,679 a male sexual partner ejaculated inside her vagina. 182 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,039 It means more sleepovers! 183 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,439 - Oh, yes, that makes sense. - Ah, yes. 184 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,399 Oh! What kind of fur is this? 185 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,319 Now that is real silk monkey. 186 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,839 I'm only giving it away because Madelaine says it makes me 187 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,679 look like a lady of the night. 188 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,119 I think Linda might look lovely in it. 189 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,959 Let's see. 190 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,759 - Hmm. - The monkey pelt matches my wig. 191 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,959 HE LAUGHS She is wonderful, isn't she? 192 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,919 You can't buy those now you know - 193 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,359 - they've been hunted to extinction. - Oh. 194 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,959 Sue, stand back. There is a live firearm. 195 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,119 {\an8}HE LAUGHS {\an8}Stick 'em up! 196 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,159 THEY BOTH LAUGH 197 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,399 No, that's from when Jeffery used to smoke. 198 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,760 It's a cigarette lighter. 199 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,200 It is a joke. 200 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,080 Beautiful and funny. A real rarity. 201 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,239 Right then. Come on, Jeffery. 202 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,239 Thank you for the donations. 203 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,559 Oh! What, you're working here? 204 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,639 - Yes, I am. - Aw! 205 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,439 Well, I think it's terrific that you're trying to learn 206 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,879 a new skill - at your age. 207 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,359 We're the same age. 208 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,559 Good job you've got your little robot friend to help you! 209 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,679 Everything I touch turns to sold. 210 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:33,880 Jeffery! 211 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,839 Why does everybody think I can't do this? 212 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,080 Nobody ever comes in this shop. 213 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,760 I'm not surprised. 214 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,440 Linda, come and help me. 215 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:52,920 Penny did it. 216 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,679 Michael. 217 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,560 GRUNTS AND STRAINS 218 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,279 Michael? Michael! 219 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,399 Hmm? Oh, sorry I can't help with the amps. 220 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,559 I've pinched a nerve in my G8. 221 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,119 Look, I just want to give you a heads up - I'm reducing your shifts. 222 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,879 - Why? - Well, when you left... 223 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,559 I-I didn't leave. 224 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:25,559 I had a full nervous breakdown when my marriage fell apart. 225 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,399 Yeah, you made that very clear. 226 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,399 Anyway, I-I'm making some changes. 227 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,719 There's a new employee starting next week. 228 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,959 Mark, Mark. I really appreciate you taking me back. 229 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,959 It's the least I could do after you threatened me 230 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,919 with legal action under the Mental Health Act. 231 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,479 Yeah, true. 232 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,639 Well, it will not happen again. 233 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,559 Me and Renee, we're in a really good place now. 234 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,919 Gosh, that's wonderful, I'm really rooting for you guys. 235 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,079 - I'm going to move the rest of the amplifiers. - Mark, Mark. 236 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,799 I know it's a big ask, but, um, 237 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,559 could I finish early today? 238 00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:00,319 I don't know. If you go, who's going to stare at the bin? 239 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,039 FORCED LAUGH 240 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,559 Does that mean I can? 241 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,919 - Sure. - You're the best. Can I go NOW? 242 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,239 Honestly, it makes very little difference 243 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,759 whether you're here or not. 244 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,080 - - Thank you so much. 245 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,720 Thanks, Mark! 246 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,400 DING 247 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,160 Our first customer. 248 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,359 I suppose I should go and speak to them. 249 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,120 Yes, Sue, you should speak to them. 250 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,079 Why am I so nervous? 251 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,879 It's not difficult. 252 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,479 According to Lord Sugar's autobiography, 253 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,759 the best way to meet people is to smile and ask a question. 254 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,200 Right. 255 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:00,999 Hello. 256 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,639 How much do you weigh? 257 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:03,679 What?! 258 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:08,279 - She means... - Do you enjoy the music of Tina Turner? 259 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,360 Yes, I do, actually. 260 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,199 How much is this bag? 261 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,920 Let me check that for you. 262 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,639 Er... shall we say £10? 263 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,279 £10! It's a deal! 264 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,199 It's a deal. 265 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,480 I'll give you seven. 266 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,280 Eight. 267 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,200 - Eight. - Yes! 268 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,599 Thank you! LAUGHS 269 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,319 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 270 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,239 Oh! That was intense. 271 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,239 I thought to myself, "She is definitely going to bid seven." 272 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,239 So I thought, "OK, Sue, don't blink 273 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,960 "and keep your head on a swivel!" 274 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,239 Oh... 275 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,440 Thank you. 276 00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,879 Enjoy your bag. 277 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,720 - Thank you. - Bye. 278 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,679 Linda, here's our next customer! 279 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,799 Oh, the delivery's here. 280 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,959 You look after this lovely lady, give her everything she needs, 281 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,240 and I'll be back in a minute. 282 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,239 Hello. 283 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,279 Do you enjoy the films of Guy Ritchie? 284 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,280 Y-Yes. Yes. 285 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,240 DING 286 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,919 Thank you very much. Thank you. 287 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,680 Thank you, Linda, you take that. 288 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,599 Linda, do you have the key? 289 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,919 I do not have the key. 290 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,159 I told you stay in the shop. 291 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,959 Would you feel better if I apologised? 292 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,479 Linda, door, open. 293 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,720 BANGS DOOR 294 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,679 It is still locked. 295 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,119 Well, don't you have one of those universal key things 296 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,999 - on your finger or something? - No. 297 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,039 - Sue, do you have your phone? - Oh, yes. Yes. I have. 298 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,239 Search locksmiths in your area. 299 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,479 No! 300 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,399 No-one need know about this. 301 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,959 There must be some way of getting in. 302 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,600 It's a charity shop for God's sake, not Alcatraz. 303 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,479 - Linda, can you climb? - Yes, Sue, I can climb. 304 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,839 Good. I want you to climb up that drainpipe, get through that 305 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,879 open window, go downstairs and let me in through the front door. 306 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:45,920 Go! 307 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,840 Can you go quicker? 308 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,959 Eileen'll be home any minute. 309 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,679 She hates parties. 310 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,719 - - ♪ Happy birthday, dear Shelley 311 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,000 ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ 312 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,960 BANG 313 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,679 Warning, Sue. 314 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,039 I am descending rapidly. 315 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,319 Oh... 316 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,279 The drainpipe is now broken. 317 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,599 Damn it, Linda! 318 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,559 Sue, you are getting very stressed. 319 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,119 Cos you're not being any help! 320 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,200 Sue, I am struggling to see what you have brought to the table. 321 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,839 Somebody must live on that floor up there. 322 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,039 We must be able to get their attention. 323 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,119 Grab a pebble and we... GLASS SMASHES 324 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,560 Oh! 325 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,519 You're here! 326 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,799 Of course I am. 327 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,280 I told you I'm not scared. 328 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,759 But I'm not going to talk to him. 329 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,279 And I'm not going to call him professor. 330 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:05,999 All right, well, you're really early - 331 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,159 I don't get awarded my belt until after class. 332 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,519 Yeah, I got off early. 333 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,119 Cos I-I realised 334 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,039 that I've never watched you train. 335 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,719 That's really unsupportive. 336 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,439 Are you here to keep an eye on me? 337 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,799 No. 338 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,479 Cos it's kind of sexy, if you are. 339 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,999 - Really? - Mmm. 340 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,759 Yes. Yes! You are MY woman! 341 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,159 - What? - Sorry. 342 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,639 Hey, guys. 343 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,319 Professor Chris. 344 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,680 So good to see you. 345 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,559 Professor Chris. 346 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,919 Please, call me Chris. 347 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,839 So... you're finally going to train with us, huh? 348 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,159 I'd give you, like, six months free. 349 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,640 - Least I can do. - For having sex with my wife? 350 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,839 Yeah. 351 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,079 See, Michael, I told you - it's cool. 352 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,719 Yeah, you know, I get a good workout in the shop. 353 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,639 Lifting amps, guitars. 354 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,039 Ah, that's a pretty sweet gig, man. 355 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,879 You know, I play a bit myself. 356 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,119 Oh, what have you got? 357 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,919 I'm a bit of a Gibson nut. 358 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,599 I just splashed out on another Super 400. 359 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,239 Oof. Such a rich tone. 360 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,800 CAR HORN BEEPS 361 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,559 Lola drives me everywhere now. 362 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,879 She knows all my phone's passcodes. 363 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,199 We're doing a lot of intimacy rebuilding. 364 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,479 Oh, yeah. Yeah, so are we. 365 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,999 - Are we? - Yes. 366 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,160 Ah, man, you and me... 367 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,039 ...we're no different. 368 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,159 We're men. Nature designed us to hunt, 369 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,880 conquer and, if necessary... 370 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,359 ...kill. 371 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,479 Right, Mike? 372 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,559 Yeah. CAR HORN BLARES 373 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,760 Looks like the boss wants me to keep moving. 374 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,680 See you in there. 375 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,120 - Oss! - Oss! 376 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,600 Oh, after you. 377 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,719 Are my champions ready to sweat?! 378 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,159 - - Oss! - Oss! 379 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,599 OK, good. 380 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,599 Today is a big day. 381 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,719 We've got a few warriors ready to graduate to their next belt. 382 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,599 It's a massive achievement. 383 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,559 But first, we train! 384 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,599 - - Oss! 385 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,799 Now, we're going to start with a warm-up that focuses 386 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,200 on opening out the hips. Can I borrow... 387 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,559 ...Renee? This stretch is brilliant 388 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,879 for hamstring and hip mobility. 389 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,999 Renee, can you please lay down? 390 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,720 OK, can you raise your left leg? 391 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,439 Now we're going to scoop with our bicep right under the hamstring. 392 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,560 Like this. And breathe out. 393 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,919 - Yeah? - Yeah. It feels really good. - Good. 394 00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,519 And now the other leg. 395 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,360 Scoop, push. 396 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,959 Good. You know, your hips have really opened up 397 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,959 - since we started working together. - Thank you. 398 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,479 OK, everyone. 399 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,919 HE CLAPS Let's go! 400 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,280 Oh, God, here she comes. 401 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,519 I feel like an idiot. 402 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,199 You are not an idiot. 403 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,079 I have assessed your problem-solving and cognitive function. 404 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:29,439 You have an IQ of between 119-122. 405 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,879 Am I a genius? 406 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,639 - Absolutely not. - Oh. 407 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,959 At the end of the day, people have to realise, 408 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,839 if you travel, bedbugs are the price you pay. 409 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,839 - All right, Sue? - Hiya. 410 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,759 Oh, I need some more customer reviews. 411 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,519 Preferably ones above the two stars I'm getting at the moment. 412 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,719 - Would you mind? - Yeah, yeah, whatever. - Lovely. 413 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,759 Oh, and don't mention I got lost and had four pints at lunch. 414 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,159 Or that I ran out of petrol 415 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,599 and we had to walk the last 2km. OK? 416 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,680 - Bye, Sue. - What you doing out here? 417 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,039 - Got locked out. - You idiot! 418 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,879 It's all right. I've got a spare set. 419 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,639 Don't worry. 420 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,519 At least you got the delivery. 421 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,119 Yeah. 422 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,599 We got the delivery, 423 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,359 and then it was stolen. 424 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,039 - Oh. - After we broke the drainpipe. 425 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,639 - Oh. - And then we smashed a window. 426 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,479 - Oh. - We went round the back 427 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,639 to try and break in and that's 428 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,919 when the delivery was stolen. 429 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,279 I take full responsibility for the failure of this task. 430 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,200 But we did dress the window. 431 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,719 How was the party? 432 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,439 Oh, pretty depressing. 433 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,319 But it meant a lot to Auntie Shelley that I showed up. 434 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,919 I am the only family she has left. 435 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,239 - Sue, that is like you and Michael. - She didn't want to be alone today. 436 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,879 That is like you and Michael. 437 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,839 And if you can't count on family... 438 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,520 That is like you and Michael. 439 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,359 I-I'm sorry, Eileen, would you mind if I left work early today? 440 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,359 Only there's somewhere I need to be. 441 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,319 I think it's best you go, yeah. 442 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,639 Oh, and what do you think about me working here? 443 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:03,680 God, no! 444 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,919 APPRENTICE THEME PLAYS You are missing out on a massive 445 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,719 opportunity by firing Sue. 446 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,159 I never hired her. 447 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,799 You'll regret this! 448 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,960 This isn't the last you'll hear of Sue! 449 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,399 Bloody robots! 450 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,080 OK, everyone, gather round. 451 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,919 I want us to work on some self-defence today. 452 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,120 I want you to imagine it's late at night. 453 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,360 You're in Tesco doing a quick shop. 454 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,119 You're buying milk, cereal... 455 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,599 Some potatoes? 456 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,199 Excellent. Well done, Renee. 457 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,279 Some basil? 458 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,839 No. 459 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,839 You're leaving the shop... 460 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,320 ...and someone comes at you. 461 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,599 Elliott. 462 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,520 OK, Elliott, I want you to come at me. 463 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,719 Tss! 464 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,200 Come at me like a man. 465 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,879 Well done, Elliott. 466 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,920 Great effort for your first class. 467 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:19,720 HE SCOFFS 468 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,799 You all right, Mike? Hmm? 469 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,359 Yep! Yeah! 470 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,759 Sounded like you said something. 471 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:27,800 Nope. 472 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,919 Good. OK, then. Everyone. 473 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,559 It just looked a bit unfair. 474 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,840 Because Elliott looks like a dipshit loser? 475 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,679 Let me tell you something - every person who puts on a uniform 476 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,840 and joins this class has my total respect. 477 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:43,839 They're all warriors. 478 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,480 They don't sit on the sidelines. 479 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,440 OK! Yes! Everyone, welcome Michael! 480 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,479 Hi, everyone. 481 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,280 - Hi, Chris. - It's Professor. 482 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,239 Out there, it's Chris. It's... 483 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,159 In here, it's Professor. 484 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,840 It's all right. You'll get the hang of it! Have a seat. 485 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,800 OK, the basics. 486 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,439 - Argh! - Can you all see that, no matter what he does, 487 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,239 he cannot break this hold? 488 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,039 If I exert a little more pressure... 489 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,719 Argh! Professor Chris, please, that really hurts! 490 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:35,959 Really hurts. 491 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,919 Linda, do something. 492 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,039 What would you like me to do, Sue? 493 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,639 Stop him! 494 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,400 Yes, Sue. 495 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,159 Please get off Michael. 496 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,559 I will get off Michael once he breaks this hold! 497 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,719 Please get off Michael. 498 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,039 Gun! SCREAMING 499 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,799 It is a joke. It is a joke. 500 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,879 Robots. 501 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,599 Taser! Taser! Taser! 502 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,160 Argh! CRACKLING 503 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,119 Jeffrey said the joke is humorous 504 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,239 because it appears to be a live firearm. 505 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,919 This is all Jeffrey's fault. 506 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,679 Renee worked for years to get this belt! 507 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,799 This was meant to be her day. 508 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:16,919 You could've killed him. 509 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,279 I used a low amperage. 510 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:19,639 And, I didn't need its help. 511 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,840 I was just about to smash his ass! 512 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,959 L-Let's go, babe. 513 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,159 I'll talk to you later, Mum. CAR CHIRPS 514 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,480 But you need to keep your robot under control! 515 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,799 I'm still good at my job. 516 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,439 Yes, you are, Sue. 517 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,279 In fact, you are very good. 518 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,640 Thank you, Linda. 519 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,639 We are talking about your job as a mother. 520 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,399 That's right, Linda. 521 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,719 Not your job in the charity shop. 522 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:52,919 No. 523 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,240 Because that was a complete shitshow. 524 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,840 {\an8}TOY PLAYS TUNE 525 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:08,880 Wow! 526 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,080 We really do have a lot of Richard Osman books.